Fearing the thoughts of other people is experienced in every teenager. Before and in the beginning freshman year I would always care too much about what other people thought of me. With over thinking about my effect on people made me more scared of doing many things. And to this day I regret it, I was too shy and I have missed out on a lot of things because of that. Then came along the extra baggage I had to lug around that’s called “The Boot”.
It was called Osteochondral lesions of the talus. It is basically a part of my ankle bone had died because there was not enough blood flowing to that part of it. When the doctor came in the room and gave me the news that I couldn't play any sports this year my heart dropped. I felt like shit, I had to remain crippled for most of the year. I remember sitting in the doctor's office with tears coming down my face, while my mom was talking to my doctor in shock. Saying “ No doctor that can’t be true, the test results must be wrong.” Having the boot was a big learning curve for me. I remember the first week after I had received the news that I was still in shock like “I cannot believe this is happening to me”, “what am I gonna do?”, “What are people gonna think of me?” then, In the second week that I was more mad, like I would say things like “Why does it have to be me?”, “ Why couldn’t we deal with this earlier or faster?”. And by the third week I was just tired of complaining already, I realized that my foots not gonna heal faster if I continue to feel bad for myself and complain.And that I can’t feel bad for myself the whole time. Before I had the boot I couldn’t wait for anything I had no patience at all. I always wanted things done then and there I hated waiting. And things have changed by now. I would also always consciously worry about what people thought of me, It was always something that I would worry about before and I would over think about it too much. But from being in the boot people look at you and treat you differently, a lot of people treat you as if you can't do anything, or they feel really bad for you. And for me that was one of the worst parts about being in the boot. I never really liked how everyone felt bad for me because I just always kept the thought in my mind that someone out there had it worse than me and couldn't come back from it at all so they should feel bad for them instead of me. But eventually I had gotten used to how people looked at me and just didn't care anymore. And that translated to how I am without the boot, now that I am out of the boot I don't care about how I look anymore and I have more self love about myself, knowing that I am who I am and I can't change that and I shouldn't for anyone, so I should just embrace myself more now and not care about what other people think of me.
Being in the boot has taught me so much. And it has had to do a lot with who I am today. I don't care anymore about my fear about what people think of me, I can understand waiting longer and I am actually ok with waiting longer now too. But I feel like being in the boot has also brought me closer with my self and to start understanding myself better now. And I am willing to do more things and try new things now.
It was called Osteochondral lesions of the talus. It is basically a part of my ankle bone had died because there was not enough blood flowing to that part of it. When the doctor came in the room and gave me the news that I couldn't play any sports this year my heart dropped. I felt like shit, I had to remain crippled for most of the year. I remember sitting in the doctor's office with tears coming down my face, while my mom was talking to my doctor in shock. Saying “ No doctor that can’t be true, the test results must be wrong.” Having the boot was a big learning curve for me. I remember the first week after I had received the news that I was still in shock like “I cannot believe this is happening to me”, “what am I gonna do?”, “What are people gonna think of me?” then, In the second week that I was more mad, like I would say things like “Why does it have to be me?”, “ Why couldn’t we deal with this earlier or faster?”. And by the third week I was just tired of complaining already, I realized that my foots not gonna heal faster if I continue to feel bad for myself and complain.And that I can’t feel bad for myself the whole time. Before I had the boot I couldn’t wait for anything I had no patience at all. I always wanted things done then and there I hated waiting. And things have changed by now. I would also always consciously worry about what people thought of me, It was always something that I would worry about before and I would over think about it too much. But from being in the boot people look at you and treat you differently, a lot of people treat you as if you can't do anything, or they feel really bad for you. And for me that was one of the worst parts about being in the boot. I never really liked how everyone felt bad for me because I just always kept the thought in my mind that someone out there had it worse than me and couldn't come back from it at all so they should feel bad for them instead of me. But eventually I had gotten used to how people looked at me and just didn't care anymore. And that translated to how I am without the boot, now that I am out of the boot I don't care about how I look anymore and I have more self love about myself, knowing that I am who I am and I can't change that and I shouldn't for anyone, so I should just embrace myself more now and not care about what other people think of me.
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